I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize