We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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