i already hear my dad disowning me
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
