I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
