Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
