im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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