I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
