How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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