Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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