Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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