Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
