Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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