so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
When did angry sex become our thing?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
