I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
