This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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