How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
