he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize