Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
