Already got asked if we're dating
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize