i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
