don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Sorry my hands just texted you
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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