Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
