dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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