Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize