Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
