Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
