he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
