When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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