Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
