We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
