69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
