That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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