You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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