the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
