She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
