What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
babies were throwing up all over the place
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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