the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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