You can't special order awesome
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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