Nicole vs. Life
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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