I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
