I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
