I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize