I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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