I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
