so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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