you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize