That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
