Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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