cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
