Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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