What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
