Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
