Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
