What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
