I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
