I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
