who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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