the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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