Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
