we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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