If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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