Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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