Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
