Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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