I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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