It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
