Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize